Pope: when the family "crumbles" think about the "weight of the mountain that crushes the soul of a child"
Vatican City (AsiaNews) - Our "apparently evolved" society and "our refined psychological analysis" appear "anesthetized" to the "wounds" caused in the souls of children, by the "weight of the mountain that crushes the soul of a child ", when" adults lose their heads, when everyone thinks to themselves, when Dad and Mom hurt each other” to the point of “breaking the bond of marital fidelity".
The Pope spoke today about the wounds that open within family coexistence, "that is, when, in the same family, someone gets hurt" and "there are cases where separation is inevitable," to 40 thousand people in St. Peter’s square for the general audience, including, as usual his long tour in the white jeep, blessing and kissing babies.
Francis’ catechesis on "irregular families", a word he does not like, ends with "many questions. How can we help them? How can we accompany them? How can we accompany children so they do not become hostages of the father or the mother? ". "We know very well - he had said earlier - that there is no family story without moments when the intimacy of loved ones is offended by the behavior of one of its members. Words and actions (and inaction!) That, instead of expressing love, take it away or, worse still, stifle it. When these wounds, which are still remediable, are neglected, they grow worse: they turn into arrogance, hostility, contempt. And then they can become deep lacerations, dividing husbands and wives, and leading them to look elsewhere for understanding, support and consolation. But often this 'support' does not think of the good of the family!
The emptying of conjugal love spreads resentment in relationships. And often the disintegration 'crumbles' on top of the children. Here, the children. I would like to dwell a little on this point. Despite our apparently evolved sensitivity, and all our fine psychological analysis, I wonder if we have not become somewhat anesthetized to the wounds in the soul of the children. The more you try to compensate with gifts and treats, the more you lose the sense of the wounds - the most painful and deep – of the soul. We talk a lot about behavioral problems, mental health, well-being of the child, anxiety of parents and children ... But do we still know what a wounded soul is? Do we feel the weight of the mountain that crushes the soul of a child, in families where there is hurt and we hurt each other, to break the bond of marital fidelity? Do we know the weight our choices - often wrong choices – have on the soul of the children? When adults lose their heads, when everyone thinks to themselves, when Dad and Mom hurt each other, children suffer in their souls, they feel a sense of despair. And these are wounds that leave a mark for life.
In the family, everything is tied together when a soul is wounded at some point, the infection infects everyone. And when a man and a woman, who are committed to being 'one flesh' and forming a family, think obsessively of their need for freedom and gratification, this bias deeply affects the hearts and lives of children. Often children hide to cry alone ... so often. We must understand this. Husband and wife are one flesh. But their creatures are flesh of their flesh. If we think of the harshness with which Jesus warns adults not to scandalize the little ones (cf. Mt 18,6), - we have listened to a passage of the Gospel - we can understand better his own word on the serious responsibility of maintaining the marital bond that begins the human family (cf. Mt 19.6 to 9). When man and woman become one flesh, all wounds and all abandonment of the father and mother affect the flesh of children. "
"It’s true, on the other hand, that there are cases in which the separation is inevitable. Sometimes it can become even morally necessary, precisely when it means saving the weaker spouse, or children, from more serious injuries caused by the arrogance and violence, and exploitation, from bitterness, alienation and indifference. "
"There are, thank God, those who, sustained by faith and love for the children, testify to their loyalty to a relationship in which they believed, even when it appears impossible to revive it. Not all separated, however, feel this vocation. Not everyone recognizes, in solitude, a call of the Lord addressed to them. Around us there are several families in so-called irregular situations. I do not like that word. And we ask ourselves many questions. How can we help? How can we accompany them? (...)
We ask the Lord for a great faith, to look at reality through the eyes of God; and a great charity, to approach people with His merciful heart. "
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